Clem Fae Chapter 2: Don’t Call Me That

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Hawk and I spent a lot of time in the winery, my mother refused to drink any wine that wasn’t made specifically for her. She was stuck up in that way. But when it wasn’t being used to cater to my mother’s ridiculous standards, it made a great place to hide away.

“Have you talked to your mom since the other day?” Hawk asked as we idly played with our toys.

“No. But I heard her talking to Aloe, they wanna send me to therapy. They think I’m crazy or something.” I sighed.

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“I think they’re the crazy ones. I just don’t really see you as a girl.”

“Thanks Hawk.” I smiled at my friend.

“So, have you thought of a name yet?” He asked.

“Oh, yea I did.” I remembered excitedly. I hoped Hawk would like my new name choice.

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“Oh really, what is it?” He looked just as excited as I felt.

“How does ‘Thorn’ sound?” I asked.

“That’s perfect!” He exclaimed.

“You really think so?”

“I do, Thorn.” He smiled widely, making me smile as well. It was a good feeling, being accepted.

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“Are you gonna tell your mother?” He asked.

“Yea, but I don’t think she’ll actually call me that.”

“Well it’s worth a shot.”

“Yea, I’m not giving up yet. Maybe she’ll come around eventually.” I hoped, but part of me knew that would never happen.

————

*Years later*

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“Clementine, when did these delusions start?” My new therapist, Doctor Ass-hat or something, I’ve gone through so many therapists just this year I don’t even bother learning their names anymore.

“Don’t call me that. My name is Thorn. And I’m not having any delusions, I’m transgender.” I explained for probably the thousandth time.

“Clementine. You believe you’re a boy. You believe you’re something you’re not. Now, I’d say that’s delusional.” He smirked with his creepy little mustached mouth. He looked so smug, I wanted to punch him. But last time my mother had to pay him off so he wouldn’t sue.

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“You see, but I am a boy. What’s a boy to you, sir?” I asked, faking respect for the douche-bag in front of me.

“A boy is someone born male, Clementine. A male is someone with a penis.” He explained, using a voice that adults use to talk to small children.

“So, basically you’re saying that people are defined by their physical attributes? You’re saying that people have to look and act a certain way because of what they have between their legs? I was always taught not to judge someone by their appearance, does that not apply here?”

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“Physical appearance and biology are two different things, Clementine. People can’t just decide to change their gender, that’s not how the world works.”

“First of all, don’t call me that. My name is Thorn. Second, that’s bullshit. If I feel like, act like, and dress like a boy, I’m a boy. I shouldn’t have to be forced to be someone I’m not.”

“I agree, I don’t think you should force yourself to be a boy when you aren’t one.” He thought he was a goddamn genius, and I hated him.

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“Sir, where did you get your degree? The University of Bigotry?”

“Clementine, this session isn’t about me. It’s about you and your issues.”

“Really? Because it seems like its about you, you keep trying to force your close-minded gender roles on me. You’re pushing what you think is right onto me, when I might not necessarily agree. So Sir, it seems like this session actually is about you.”

I could see the old man’s mustache twitch. He was getting angry, by now I could read therapists like a book. They would try their best to stay calm, but if I tried hard enough I could get them to explode.

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But unfortunately, right as the doctor was about to respond, my library door swung open.

“Excuse me, the Queen has requested the session to end early today, her birthday party is starting in an hour and she needs Clementine ready before the guests arrive.” One of my mother’s servants, Reef Crane, stepped into the room. Though I didn’t get to thoroughly piss this guy off, I was glad to get out of here. But I wasn’t glad I had to go to this party.

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I stood to leave and sighed. “Is my dress in my wardrobe?” I asked him, visibly and audibly dejected.

“Yes it is.”

I grumbled and rolled my eyes as I approached the door to leave. Reef held the door open for me and closed it behind us.

“I’m sorry, Thorn. I really wish we didn’t have to do this to you.” He apologized once the therapist was out of earshot.

“It’s okay, I understand how it is. Hopefully my mother will come around soon.” I said, but we both knew that would never happen.

“I’ll see you downstairs.” He gave me a sad smile as he headed out of my bedroom.

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When I opened the wardrobe, a hideous pink dress stared me in the face. I wanted to burn it, or maybe throw it out my window. But unfortunately, my mom had my windows locked permanently after doing that so many times before.

Hopefully I’d just have to make an appearance at the party, then when things got crazy I could just slip away. I didn’t want to have to spend any more time in this thing than necessary.

When I got the dress on, I wanted to puke at the sight of myself in the mirror. I looked so… girly. I’m not a girl. My reflection didn’t match my perception of myself, and I hated it. My eyes started to tear up as I stood there, staring.

No. I can’t cry about this. I told myself.

I was gonna have to suck it up for a while, no matter how terrible I felt.

——–

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But sucking it up didn’t mean I had to pretend to enjoy myself. I wanted to be as pissy as possible, to let my mother know I wasn’t doing this willingly.

“Now Nutmeg, I want you to watch her, make sure she doesn’t cause problems with the guests.” My mother spoke to my nanny as if I wasn’t there.

“Yes your highness.”

“I want her to make an appearance, assure everyone that she’s alive and well, then she can leave. I don’t want a repeat of my twenty-ninth birthday.” She glared at me.

“I’m pretty sure that was your thirty-fifth birthday, mom.” I smiled smugly as she balled her fists.

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“Clementine, dear, please be nice to your mother. It’s her birthday.” Aloe scolded, and my mother beamed at him.

“Thank you, baby.” She cooed sickly. I felt like barfing. “Listen to your dad, Clementine.”

“He’s not my dad. Aloe’s my step-dad.”

“He’s the only father you’ve ever known. He’s been here, and your real father hasn’t. He’s your father.” She glared.

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“The man didn’t even speak to me until I was ten years old, I wouldn’t even consider him a family friend.”

“Clementine, would it kill you to be pleasant for once in your life? I’m so tired of this attitude.” My mother rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn’t have such an attitude if you actually let me be myself.”

“We are not getting into this right now.” She shot daggers with her eyes. “Now, why don’t you go with Nutmeg, she can help you get your makeup on.”

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I glanced over at Nutmeg, and she nodded. “Come on now, Clem, let’s go.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I felt a little better, I knew we weren’t actually going to put makeup on. She was going to let me sit in the kitchen while she got the food ready. It’s what we did pretty much every party.

“Fine.” I pretended to be pissed. We didn’t want my mom to get suspicious. She smiled smugly at me, thinking that she won. I couldn’t wait until I could sneak out of the party.

————–

*A few hours later*

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Once a lot of people crowded the ballroom, it was fairly easy to sneak out and into my room. I quickly changed back into my own clothes and instantly felt better.

When I finished changing, I made my way to the winery. As we got older, Hawk and I stopped playing in here and started hanging out in the tower room above it. Nutmeg and the other servants helped us furnish the little room, and we all called it the man-cave.

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“Hey, mind if I join you?” I asked Hawk when I entered the room. He was completely absorbed in the video game, so I startled him a bit.

“Not at all man, take a seat.” He patted the bean bag next to him.

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I grabbed my controller and jumped right into the game. “How was the party?” He asked.

“Shitty, as always. I really don’t see why anyone would enjoy something like that.” I huffed.

“I don’t either. When you’re king, you better not have parties like that.” He chuckled.

“Nah man, my parties are gonna be way awesome. Open bars, DJs, cool stuff like that. Not stuffy people standing around talking about politics. That’s what meetings are for.”

“Dude, you’re gonna be the best king ever.”

“Thanks man, I don’t really wanna be king but if I had to, I definitely won’t be boring.”

“If you aren’t king, what would you like to be?”

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“I think maybe an artist. Or a video game designer. Something cool like that. What do you wanna do?”

“Well if I’m not a servant forever, I’d probably want to be a doctor. Or a therapist. But a good therapist.” He said quickly when I glared at him. “I want to actually help people, not make them feel worse.”

“That’s good, this world needs more people like you.”

“Thank you, Thorn.”

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Clementine Fae Chapter 1: Anything You Wanna Be

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My mother was out for the day, I was able to spend some time with Hawk. The two of us sat in the library, bored and unsure of what to do. Neither of us were in the mood to play games after my mother’s outburst.

“Hawk, what should we do today? I’m bored.” I sighed.

“Dunno, maybe we should just hang out in here. If your mom comes home then it’ll take her longer to find us.”

“I guess, but what are we supposed to do in a library?” I sighed.

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“I don’t know, talk I guess?” He suggested.

“Talk about what?” I wasn’t exactly a social expert…

“I don’t know, how are you?”

“Not great, I don’t really like my life.” I admitted.

“Why?” He cocked his head, visibly confused.

“I don’t know, I guess I’d rather have a life like yours.”

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“Why? You’ve got a pretty cool life. You live in a castle!”

“You do too.” I reminded him.

“Yea, in a room with four other people. You have a sweet set up with games and toys. Why don’t you like it?”

“I-I guess I just don’t like being a girl.” I broke eye contact and started staring at my hands.

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“Well do you wanna be a boy?”

“Yea.”

“Then be a boy! My mom always tells me I can be whatever I wanna be, so you can too.” He smiled up at me.

“Really?”

“Yea!”

“What do I have to do first?” I asked excitedly.

“Well, we should probably cut your hair, so you look more like a boy.” He suggested.

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“I’ll race you to the bathroom!” I shot up and flew out of the room, eager to get started.

————-

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I beat Hawk to the bathroom fairly easily. With my back to him, I stood in front of the mirror.

“Clem, are you sure you wanna do this?” He asked nervously. “I know it’ll make you feel better, but what about your mom?”

“I don’t care, she can’t do anything about it. Sure, she can punish me, but that’s not gonna make my hair grow back.” I smirked, she could make me change my clothes if she wanted, but she can’t break the laws of nature.

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“Hawk, hand me the scissors.” I stuck my hand out and he placed them in my hand.

I took a deep breath as I put my hair into a ponytail. “Well, here goes nothing.” I said as I cut the ponytail off.

“Your mom is going to kill us.” Hawk gulped from behind me.

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After ten minutes of cutting and styling, I was finally happy with my hair. “So, how does it look?” I asked Hawk.

“Great, you look like a boy!” He smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I never felt so happy with myself.

“Now what do I have to do to be a boy?”

“Um, I’m not sure, I think you’re already a boy.”

“What about my name? Clementine isn’t exactly a boy name.”

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“Do you have a boy name you wanna go by?” He asked as I stepped off the stool and away from the mirror.

“Um. Not yet. I’ll think about it.”

“Well then until you do, I’ll just call you Clem. It’s not girly like your full name.”

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“Thank you Hawk, you’re the best friend I could ever have.” I reached over and hugged him.

“Yea, of course, dude.” He patted me on the back. “Now, wanna go play on the trampoline?”

“What happened to hanging out in the library?” I asked, and he shrugged.

“We shouldn’t have to be afraid of your mom. Let’s just go have fun.”

—————-

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Hawk and I spent the remainder of the afternoon bouncing on the trampoline. Even though we both knew my mom was going to burst a blood vessel screaming at me when she got home, we didn’t care. I finally felt happy with myself. No matter what my mom said to me, she couldn’t change that.

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Soon, we heard the dreadful sound of my mom’s car pulling into the driveway. I looked over and saw her get out. She took one look at me and bolted inside.

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“Clementine Fae, get your ass down here now.” She came outside screaming. It seemed like I heard her yell more than I actually heard her speak.

I sighed and looked at Hawk, we both knew this wasn’t going to end well.

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“What have you done to yourself?” She bellowed as soon as I approached her.

“I cut my hair.” I responded nonchalantly.

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“Why would you do such a thing! You look like a boy!”

“Because I wanna be a boy!” I screamed back. She looked baffled.

“That’s impossible, you’re a girl. You’ll always be a girl, and nothing but a girl. Now stop this nonsense. Get inside, right now.”

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“I am a boy! No matter what you say.” I stomped my foot on the grass.

“Get inside right now young lady, I’m going to have a long talk with your father about your behavior.”

“I’m not a lady! And Aloe is not my father.” I snarled at her.

“Get. Inside.” She glared so hard that if looks could kill, I’d be dead a hundred times over.

“Fine.” I huffed and made my way inside.

————

*Ginger*

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“Aloe, what the hell is wrong with my daughter? Why is she acting like this?” I buried my face in my hand.

“I don’t know, Pumpkin, but this has to stop here. Maybe we should get her a therapist.” My husband suggested.

“Yea, maybe. Do you think she’s crazy, like Lake?” It was one of my biggest fears after finding out he was insane, I would hate for my child to end up just like him.

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“It’s possible. But I think we can stop it here. If she get’s help, she’ll be able to get out of this ‘I’m a boy’ delusion.”

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“I really hope you’re right, Aloe. This could end very badly for us. We could lose everything if we lose her.”

“I’ll call the therapist first thing in the morning.”

————

*Clem*

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I could hear my mom and Aloe talking about me, so I went out and took a seat in the courtyard.

“Clem, can I sit?” Nutmeg’s voice asked from behind me.

“Sure.” I sighed. I didn’t want to be lectured by her too.

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“So I talked to Hawk, he told me everything.” She smiled, and I felt a little more at ease. Maybe she wasn’t about to yell at me.

“And?” I asked, hopeful.

“And, I’m very proud of you. I know it can be scary to be yourself. But I’m here for you, I support you. I know Hawk does too.”

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“Thank you.” I smiled at her. “But what about my mom? What is she gonna do to me?”

“I… I don’t know. But I’ll talk to her, I’ll try to talk some sense into her. Being transgender isn’t something that needs to be fixed.”

“What does that mean?”

“Transgender?” She asked, and I nodded. “It means not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth. Since you were born a girl, and you identify as a boy, that means you’re transgender.” She explained.

“Are there other people like me?” I asked.

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“Loads, boys who were born girls, girls who were born boys.  You’re not alone.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

“That’s good.”

“Yea. You’re a good kid, I promise I’m going to do my best to make sure you’re happy.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.” She kissed me on the top of my head. “Now, let’s get you some dinner, then get you off to bed.”

She grabbed my hand and led me out of the courtyard. It was nice to have one adult on my side.


So sorry for the long wait, I’ve been stuck on this chapter forever. Hopefully I’ll be posting more often now, thank you for bearing with me!

Generation 5 Prologue

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“Please, Clementine. Please don’t give me trouble today.” My nanny, Nutmeg, practically begged. This was our daily routine, she had to dress me in whatever ridiculous outfit my mommy picked out for whatever royal function that was happening that day.

“No dresses!” I pouted.

“Mommy needs you to wear one, its your pretty princess dress. Won’t that be nice?”

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“No! Dresses ugly!” I protested. I hated the stupid dresses my mommy made me wear, the frilly pink gowns were dreadful and uncomfortable.

Nutmeg sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, visibly frustrated. “If you wear the dress, I’ll take you and Hawk outside to play.”

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I considered it. Hawk was Nutmeg’s son and my best friend, they lived here in the castle with us. Mommy said we were better than them, but I wasn’t so sure. They didn’t have to wear ugly clothes and sit in boring meetings or have their pictures taken a million times. They just got to be normal, and I was jealous.

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“Nutmeg, why isn’t she dressed yet?” My mommy’s harsh voice scolded the nanny.

“She’s being difficult again.” Nutmeg sighed again. “She really doesn’t want to wear the dress.”

“She’s a baby for gods sake! Who cares what she wants, just dress her! She can’t overpower you.”

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“Y-yes your majesty. I’ll get right on it.”

“Thank you, and when you’re done with that, please remove your child. He can stay in the castle, but I don’t want him socializing with Clementine too much. She’s better than you common folk.”

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“No! He’s my friend!” I cried, I didn’t understand why my mommy didn’t want me to be friends with him.

“Oh, Clementine, you’re so much better than him. He’s not your friend, he’s just the help.” My mommy laughed, but I didn’t really think what she said was funny.

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“No! No dresses! Hawk stays!” I started to cry, making my mommy’s face scrunch up like she smelled something bad.

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“Ugh, deal with this. I have to go make sure Aloe is ready for our appearance.” She turned and walked out, the clacking of her heels echoing through my large bedroom.

Her leaving made me cry even harder. Why didn’t my mommy ever comfort me when I was upset? Hawk’s mommy always did that for him, while my mommy only ever held me for pictures.

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“Shh, it’s ok.” Nutmeg scooped me into her arms and cuddled me. “It’ll be over before you know it, then you can come back here and play all you want.”

“W-with Hawk?” I sniveled.

“We’ll see honey, we’ll see.” She rubbed my back soothingly, and I realized that Nutmeg was more of a mommy to me than my actual one.

—————

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Growing up in a castle might seem magical, but my experience was anything but. Sure, there were more rooms than I could count and more cars than people, but I didn’t want these things. I didn’t want the intricate dresses or the constant flow of gifts from the ‘subjects’ in my mom’s kingdom. I just wanted to be normal.

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The only bit of normalcy I had in my life was Hawk. Whenever we played together, I was able to forget about my royal life and feel like a regular kid. He’d lend me clothes whenever we played together, the dresses my mom made me wear were hard to play in. I liked boys clothes better anyways.

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There were a few perks of living in a castle though, the backyard was full of play equipment and cool things for Hawk and I to do whenever we were back there. We’d often run from activity to activity, we could never decide what we wanted to do so we’d just try to do everything.

“What should we do today?” I asked him as we sat in the sand.

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“I dunno, but we shouldn’t be outside long, it’s cold.” Ah, typical Hawk, always cautious.

“Don’t be such a weenie,” I teased. “But if you want I guess we could go play video games in my room.” I suggested, I hated being in my room but I did like video games.

“Really?” His eyes lit up, I knew he wouldn’t suggest we do that, but I also knew that’s what he wanted to do.

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“Yea, I don’t really mind. Besides, if I’m looking at the video game I don’t have to see my hideous room.” I laughed.

“Oh, ok.” He smiled at me before jumping up. “C’mon, I’ll race ya.”

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“Hey! No fair, you got a head start!” I jumped up as well but he was already halfway to the deck.

“It’s not my fault you’re slow!” He laughed as he took off inside the castle.

————–

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 Hawk beat me to my bedroom, so I was determined to beat him at video games. I stared intensely at the screen while pressing the appropriate buttons as fast as I could.

“You are so going down, Hawk.” I trash-talked through gritted teeth.

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“Yea, I know. You’ve got all the high scores on every single one of these machines. There’s no beating the master.” Hawk admitted with a small laugh. I blushed a little, it was a little embarrassing that I took this so seriously.

“Well how about we play the table ones? That way we can play against each other.” I offered.

“Alright, but I bet you’re still gonna win.”

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We made our way over to one of the table games and started it up.

“Do you have to do any royal stuff today?” Hawk asked.

“I usually don’t know about the stuff until right before it happens. But hopefully I don’t, I’d rather play this all day.”  I pressed the buttons and made my character shoot his. “That royal stuff is so dumb.”

“Yea, it is. I wish you could go to regular school too, it would be a lot more fun with you there.” Hawk sighed. He went to the local public school while I had a private tutor who taught me everything I needed to know.

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“Me too. You’re really the only person I know my age. I’d like to have some other friends too.”

“Yea I wish you could play with my friends, they’re really cool.”

I was about to respond when the bedroom door flung open.

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“Clementine Fae, what on earth is going on in here?” My mom yelled. She looked like her face was gonna blow up, that’s how mad she was.

“Hawk and I are playing video games.” I responded calmly.

“Get out, now!” My mom screeched at my best friend. He looked terrified, and simply nodded before jumping up and running out of the room.

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“Mom!” I yelled at her, angry with how mean she was being.

“Oh Clementine, you should know by now that you’re too good for him.” My mom pouted.

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“No, that’s not true! We’re no better than anyone else. Why are you so stuck up?” I exploded. I knew I shouldn’t be talking to my mom like that, but she was just being so terrible.

“We are better than everyone else! We own them, dear. I am in charge here. You will not be hanging out with him anymore, I don’t want you to be influenced by him.”

“I need interaction with people my own age, Mom! He’s the only one I know. It’s not fair.”

“Fine. But your time together will be short and restricted.”

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I stomped my foot on the floor, making my mom look me over. “Clementine, what in the world are you wearing?” She looked as if she would pass out.

“This is what I’m comfortable in.” I retorted.

“You look hideous. You’re a girl, you should dress like one. I better not see you in this filth ever again.”

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“That’s not fair! The dresses you pick out for me are awful! I want to wear these clothes.”

“Oh Clementine, you’ll learn some taste as you grow up. You’ll thank me in the long run.” She smiled slyly, as if she knew me better than I knew myself.

“Yea right.” I pouted.

“I really don’t have time for this. Change into something else. I’ll have the nanny come get you for dinner in an hour.” She spun on her ridiculously high heels and walked out of my room.

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As soon as she was gone I climbed up on my bed and brought my knees to my chest. I didn’t even care that my shoes were getting dirt all over the bed. The bed was dumb and ugly anyway.

I hated my mom. I hated my life here. I was always being told what to do and how to act, I was never allowed to be myself. She was so controlling. I wished that Nutmeg was my mom, or that I lived with my real dad.

Aloe was just my step-dad. He hated me, it was pretty obvious. He’d only be near me for public appearances and then he’d get as far away from me as he possible could soon after. I always wondered what my real dad was like. Why wasn’t he here? Did he love me? Did he even know I existed?

I couldn’t help but fantasize about a better life with my real dad. I would do anything to get out of here.